It's My Turn
by AddictedtoTsuzukiTatsumi
Summary: Hyde realizes why it's time to let Jackie go. Oneshot all from Hyde's POV. DisclaimerDon't own T7S.


A/N—I hate H&J. There, I said it. They're mismatched, and not in the interesting way. But after watching their "break ups" I think what who I hate is Jackie (though I found her much more tolerable with Kelso). I don't know why Hyde puts up with Jackie…and since I'm sure the show will stay all gung-ho with them, I feel the need to put an end to them in a one-shot way. I feel the need for Hyde to take Hyde back.

Hyde lit his incense and then laid back on the bed, taking a puff of his "special cigarette" as he thought. He was Steven Hyde. And that guy was someone who lived day to day. Zen man,

He was probably the smartest one in his group…next to Donna. Sure, Eric was book smart, but he wasn't "life" smart. Donna was book smart, and life smart, with a dash of ambition thrown in…Donna was the female version of what Hyde would be if he applied himself.

The thing was that he never felt the need to "apply himself". He was Steven Hyde, and he lived day to day. Zen man.

Jackie changed that. Jackie had a…way…where suddenly he felt he needed a job, and suddenly he felt that he needed to be more of a "man". Where he tried to do a bit more than day to day living. Slowly, but surely he tried.

At first, Jackie tried too. He had to give it to her, she tried to. But, she was Jackie. And Jackie was…high maintenance. He tried to make her more Zen-like, but one day he just stopped. He figured that he was with Jackie. And he needed to accept Jackie as her shallow self. Because he loved her.

And he did love her. She was the second girl he'd ever fallen in love with…Donna was the first. But Jackie was the first one to ever love him back and that made her special on a whole different level.

Then, when the dust finally settled things seemed perfect.

Even to him. He had a girlfriend that he loved, who loved him. Him, as he was. He had a father. He even had a sister. He had not just a job, but a career that allowed him to be him.

And then, it all came tumbling down. Why? Because she needed a promise. A forever type of promise. A promise he couldn't give her.

They had broken up for a bit, then they got back together, but they didn't deal with the reason they broke up in the first place.

But that forever type promise of a future was something Jackie seemed to need. Man, they were each barely out of high school…

And he was Steven Hyde. While their relationship forced him to make some changes he didn't take to ultimatums, and he didn't understand why they couldn't just be happy with what they were.

Things should have been just fine the way they were. He had given more than enough of himself to be with Jackie. Why should he have to promise a never ending future too? Because they were in love?

Wasn't love supposed to work both ways? Wasn't there supposed to be a give and take? Compromise?

Then why did it seem that he was doing all the giving and she did all of the taking? Why was he the one compromising and changing who he was, when she ran around being a slightly, slightly more adult version of the shallow bitchy girl she had always been?

Wasn't it enough that Hyde had betrayed one of his best friends to be with her? Not just once, when they first got together, but twice, when he decided to chase after Jackie after he and Kelso had both agreed not to.

Wasn't it enough that he went through all of the inner struggles, and allowed himself to change to be with her?

Each day with her was a struggle in some ways. First it was a struggle to allow himself to accept that she had become such an important part of his life. Then there was a struggle to get everyone to accept that they were really a couple. Then it was a struggle not to run when her lingering feelings for her ex came out in a jealous yell. Then it was a struggle to believe that she could really love him, even if she had lingering feelings for her ex. Then it was a struggle to get her to believe that he did love her when he fucked things up between them.

Wasn't it enough to accept Jackie as she was because he loved her?

Wasn't it enough to change so much of who he was to make Jackie happy because he loved her?

Only the smoke from the incense burned now, and Hyde took off his shades. The last question forcing it way to the front of his mind…even though he had been ignoring it since it happened.

Wasn't it enough that he allowed his mind to constantly ignore of the real reason Kelso and Jackie broke up?

He couldn't forget it now. Now that reason had become their issue too.

Time had allowed first Jackie, then Hyde, and then everyone else to pretend that she and Kelso weren't together because he "was a cheater".

But now the memory of the real reason just hung there.

In reality, Kelso and Jackie had gotten past the cheating. Kelso worked like hell to get Jackie back after the cheating in fact. They obviously never got "over" it, given what came out when Jackie kissed the Cheese Guy, but that was not the issue that broke them up.

The issue that broke them up was that Jackie had wanted Kelso to promise a never ending future to her too.

And Kelso ran.

Jackie wrote a letter, breaking up with him and calling him a coward for running and not marrying her…

while Hyde realized to himself that it was probably the smartest thing Kelso had done.

If Kelso hadn't ran, he and Jackie would be married way too young and way too soon. Everyone knew that…even Kelso.

And right now Hyde remembered that was the reason Kelso and Jackie weren't together. Even if everyone else forgot.

Right now, that was all Hyde could think about.

Jackie wanted a forever lifetime promise from Kelso, and he ran rather than give it to her.

Now, Jackie wanted a forever lifetime promise from Hyde.

Hyde wasn't going to run. He was Steven Hyde, and he didn't run from shit.

Unlike Kelso, he could tell Jackie no and mean it.

But it sucked that he would have to.

It would suck to be without her when they didn't have to be; when they shouldn't have to be.

When they wouldn't be. If she could accept him and what they had, as he had accepted her and what they had.

Who Hyde was now wasn't good enough for Jackie. He never was. Even when he twisted himself to be a "better Hyde" for her, losing the real Hyde in the process, it still wasn't enough.

She needed his future too, and he would be damned if he would give it to anyone until HE was ready.

Hyde turned off his light and closed his eyes.

And while it would hurt and suck like hell to be without Jackie, maybe even for a long while…he realized it was the only way to take himself back.

Like Kelso, "running" from Jackie, would probably be the smartest thing he ever did.

He needed to be without Jackie to be the Hyde he should be. To be the Hyde he was. To be the real Hyde.


End file.
